Depression is an ugly beast. The body aches, pains, feelings of hopelessness and unworthiness, listlessness, and even apathy are energy sapping. Then crushes in the urge to isolate, leading to brooding dark thoughts. The voice in the back of your mind telling you that you are alone…truly alone. No one needs you or wants you. You are not good enough and have nothing to offer others anyway.
Oh, the lies. Those thoughts, that voice, speaking such horrible lies, goes through my mind, too. I feel as if I am in a spiraling vortex, falling down its center and unable to climb out. The darkness in my head makes me weep.
The truth is, though, that those words are lies. My heart knows I am not alone, even if my head does not. I do have something to offer the world. God has some plan for me, even if I cannot see it. I am needed. I am wanted. I may not always feel it or believe it, but I am chosen. Just as you are. Just as all of us are.
I have a grasp of what you are going through. Because this monster is in me, too.
Precious Child of God, if you struggle with depression, too, you are not alone. I have a grasp of what you are going through. Because this monster is in me, too.
It is such a strange monster, isn’t it? It goes far beyond “just sadness” or “the blues.” Most of the time it doesn’t even make sense! My heart cries, “why do I feel this way?! I have no reason to feel like this!” After all, I have an amazing husband who loves me. I have four great kids who make me proud of them and so blessed have them. I have a lovely home, two crazy dogs, a place to lay my head, and a place to feed my beautiful family. So WHY am I like this?!
I was diagnosed with depression about four years ago. It likely stems from my endometriosis and fibromyalgia. It shocked the heck out of me, honestly. Again, I know I have a good life, so why would I feel this way?
It took me a while to process the diagnosis and to realize depression is not a “feeling,” per se. Not in the ways we understand normal feelings, at least. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Something is misfiring in my head and it affects the whole of me. Crazy, isn’t it? But it is a real condition. As much as I would LOVE to only need to think happy thoughts to make it go away, clinical depression does not work that way. How I wish it did! It would amazing!
There are things that do help, though they don’t cure it. At least they don’t in me. I would love to stories from those who have been cured! Truly, I would, because it would offer hope to all of us! For myself, I am on a medication. I have been in and out of therapy. I am involved in several ministries. I attend Church every weekend. I also find beauty and solace in adoration of the Blessed Sacrament that is offered in my parish.
While medication helps with my chemical imbalance, I find my greatest “treatment” to be in helping others. My involvement in healing ministries such as Women’s Walk With Christ and Women’s Journey have been a huge balm for my soul! I am not only able to seek healing for myself, my own wounds, but I am able to serve others. I find great joy in helping others and longing to serve them in compassion and love. This is healing work for me.
There is hope and help!
Friend reading this, if the monster of depression dwells within you, too, know there is help! Find someone to speak with that “gets it.” If you have no one near you, I am glad to offer an ear to hear you. Though I am not a psychologist or therapist by any means, I can listen, and help you find help. Find out if medication might benefit you. Seek healing ministries for your own healing. Do something that brings you joy and pulls you out of isolation!
It can be easier said than done, I know. But doing something is far better than us wallowing at the bottom of that screaming, swirling vortex of darkness. I have learned that the evil one wants to keep us at the bottom of that hole. He wants to keep us believing the lies that we are unworthy and have nothing to offer. That we are alone.
The Truth is so much greater than the dark monster. We have a purpose, a reason. We have so much more to offer than we even know! And we are so unconditionally loved. Jesus longs for us to come to Him so He can whisper in our ears how much He loves us and how much we have within us. He longs for us to tell Him about our monster so He can fill us with His Truth. He knows this may be continual for us. But we have to seek out the Healing He offers. He won’t push something onto us that we do not ask for.
I want you to know you are loved. You are heard.
I am praying for you. And I am here for you. I will gladly listen to your story, whether it is of your own struggle or of healing! If you have any questions or would like to know more about the ministries I am a part of, please comment here or send me a message! I’ll fight the monster right along side you.
Bless you, friend.